I am going through a tough time in my life, and lately forgiveness has been on my mind. A person I loved has wronged me. I have now reached a point in my healing where I am just plain sick of feeling angry, hurt and defensive. I now know it’s time for me to release this person energetically. To move on. To truly embody what my mala represents; love and inner peace.
“Do you want a quietness that cannot be disturbed? A gentleness that never can be hurt? A deep abiding comfort and rest so perfect it can never be upset? All this, forgiveness offers you, and more” – A Course in Miracles
How awesome does this sound? Forgiveness is transformative beyond our wildest dreams.
Hold onto your coconut oil ladies: here is my breakdown of seven things you must consider in order to embrace forgiveness.
1. A Lack of Forgiveness is Fear:
Fear manifests as anger, resentment, judgment and anxiety. Forgiveness is love, and love manifests as a feeling of deep inner peace, acceptance, joy, and connectedness. This is why forgiveness rocks and withholding it doesn’t make us feel so good.
2. The Who:
Clearly identify who you need to forgive and why. This can be tough: we often struggle to own our actions and words, and admit when we have deviated from love. What role have you played in this perceived transgression? Do you need to forgive yourself as well as the other person?
3. The Why:
Remember why you want to forgive. I have often mistakenly felt that by forgiving I am somehow condoning what this person did to me. By forgiving you are not saying that what the other person did is justified; you are simply cutting the cord of negative energy that binds you to that person and the events that took place. Forgiveness is making the decision that you would rather be happy than right.
4. Be Willing:
All you need do is be willing to forgive. It can be hard to say, “I am totally ready to forgive this person”, because we harbour fear-based attachments to what they have done to us; we don’t feel ready to let go. So, instead of waiting for a divine intervention (although those happen too!), simply assert throughout the day/in your prayers “I am willing to forgive and release (insert name)”. This statement/prayer shows the Universe you are open to the freedom forgiveness will bring; that you are ready to be guided and to learn what forgiveness feels like.
5. Have Compassion:
Know that the person you wish to forgive is struggling too. This person is on his or her own unique spiritual journey, just like you. And just like you, they sometimes choose fear-based thoughts and actions over loving ones. That old saying “hurt people hurt people” is true. Although it may be difficult, have some compassion for their struggle. This does not mean that you condone what they have done; it simply means your forgiving thoughts can stem from a place of compassion, as opposed to anger.
6. Focus on the Good in your Life:
How have you been investing in their fearful illusions and projections? Investing includes thinking about the situation/person often with feelings of anger and resentment, playing “mental movies” in your head where you give them a piece of your mind, fearing them, challenging them, arguing with them, speaking ill of them and attacking back. By staying invested in what they have done or said, you are strengthening their illusion of fear. So let go. Stop focusing on what has happened, and instead focus on the good stuff in your life. This step requires diligently monitoring your thoughts and personal energy.
7. Pray for Them:
Yup. In my meditation practice, I pray for the person I need to forgive. I pray for this person to have all the peace I long for. Some days this feels genuine, and other times it feels forced, but it doesn’t matter. I am slowly strengthening my forgiveness muscle one day at a time.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy. If it were, we would all be enlightened Zen masters. Instead we are boho goddesses, doing our very best to live a life of peace and love (while looking fabulous).
So, have I forgiven?
But I am on my way. Maybe it will take months. Or years. Maybe it will happen when I finish writing this post. It doesn’t really matter; forgiveness comes when we are ready. Our job is just to sit back, be willing and stay committed to the process.
Okay chicas—time to drop some forgiveness bombs in your life! Ka-Boom! Good luck.
Alyson is a writer, communications professional, spiritual explorer and excited Mom-to-be. You can follow her journey at EatPrayMoveblog.wordpress.com.